Sunday, March 11, 2007

Baby Einstein

Clare's been addicted to Baby Bach since she was a couple months old. Couldn't get enough of it. Brent and I could, though: I started hearing Bach as performed by the Baby Einstein Music Box Orchestra in my head while grocery shopping, I would hum along while cooking dinner, it was the soundtrack to my dreams at night. So for Christmas we requested some more Baby Einsteins for Clare, looking for a little relief from the awful monotonous tyranny of Baby Bach. Unfortunately for us, Baby Mozart doesn't play on our DVD player, so now we are sampling as many Baby Einsteins as we can get through Netflix to find the best replacement.

There are a LOT of Baby Einsteins. Baby Monet, Baby van Gogh, Baby da Vinci, Baby Shakespeare, and on it goes. Right now Clare is watching "Baby Einstein: On the Go," which I guess was a hard concept to find a genius for (Henry Ford? Wright brothers? James Watt? Pierre Lallemont? Really, with Google all you have to do is type in "bicycle inventor"!). It's okay: organized around vehicles that go on land, on water, in air...and I was all set for another segment for "in space," but apparently we don't want to encourage our babies to leave Earth no matter how fast and cool the vehicle is.

So I'm disappointed. But rather than just sulk about it, I'd like to encourage Julie Aigner-Clark (the inventor of the Baby Einstein stuff; you may have seen her singled out for recognition in GWB's State of the Union address) to produce a "Baby Armstrong," or maybe--this is even better--"Baby Buzz." Our kids need to know that Earth isn't the center of the universe, right?

While we're at it, I'd also like to see a "Baby Margaret Mead"--let's teach our kids that America isn't the only country in the universe as well (maybe we have a philosophical disagreement on this point--after all, Julie was lauded by President Bush)...just please, oh please, not "Baby Columbus."

Oh, but here's the best idea of all: how about a "Baby X"? Oh, okay, fine; I can settle for "Baby MLK, Jr." (although James Cone would advise you to partner them up for effectiveness). While we're teaching basic shapes and colors, why not add a little dose of political activism? All sorts of possibilities here: teaching babies how to march, make the peace sign, shout slogans, make signs...these all incorporate practice of basic skills! Brilliant!

Any other suggestions for Julie while we're at it?
Update/correction: Julie sold Baby Einstein to now who do we talk to??? But surely a quick word from her would hold some weight still...


JTB said...

Oooh, here's another one: "Baby Darwin."

Anonymous said...

Surely Baby Buddha must rise to the top for enlightenment purposes.


Baby Audubon
Baby Whitman
Baby Mary Shelley
Baby Woolf
Baby Pynchon
Baby Curie
Baby Mata Hari

to name a few...

J. Brent Bates said...

"Baby's First Moves" should be renamed "Baby [Richard] Simmons."

BTW at church this morning we prayed "For those who travel on land, on water, or in the air, or through outer space..." Yay, Book of Common Prayer!

Anonymous said...

I ran across your blog and recent posting about Baby Einstein. If you want something that is a better version of baby einstein (in my opinion), check out

They are a Seattle based company that has put out 2 great DVDs. My kids (4 and 2) love the characters.

Andrew, Bozeman Montana (

Anonymous said...

Baby Larry Flynt is just taking it too far.

But of course if Disney bought it they will use it to destroy the framework of Christian society.


Casey. said...

Two words...Baby Che.

JTB said...


Baby Socrates.
Baby Steinem.
Baby Copernicus.